i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
