This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
