Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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