Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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