honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
