i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
