Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
