Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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