I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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