sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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