i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
