he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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