I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
