You can't motorboat a personality
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
