You work out of a Hotel?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
