I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
