giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
