conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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