I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
