so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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