why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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