It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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