Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
