I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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