She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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