I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
