Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
