Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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