I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
