is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
