textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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