i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
