THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So squirting runs in the family.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
