I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
