he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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