I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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