well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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