On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
