you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hippo gnu deer
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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