You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
