This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
