After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
