moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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