This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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