Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
