Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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