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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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