Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
