didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
