My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
