I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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