i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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